Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I once tried to microwave instant coffee and went back in time.