"I'm going to the grocery store." Really means: "I'm going to the hat store and buy the most expensive one, then I'm going to the dress store and buy the most expensive one, then I'm going to take all my friends to the most expensive restaurant we can find, and charge it all to you. I'll bring you back a candy bar. Watch the kids while I'm gone."
"Let's take your car." Really means: "Let's take the car that I say is yours but you really bought it for me but I'm not telling you that. That's why I always tell you what a great thing it is to carpool with your buddies."
"Woman driver." Really means: "No turn signals, go as fast as you can through an orange light, and when the taxi brings me home from the wrecking yard say something like Honey, I swear, I only looked in the rear view mirror once to adjust my lipstick, and smile that smile."
"Let's paint the kitchen." Really means: "You paint the kitchen. I'm going to the store. Don't get paint on the kids."
"It's a chick thing." Really means: "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me anyway, so why bother, besides it's none of your business. Are you sure we're legally married?"
"Are you hungry?" Really means: "There's a frozen pizza in the refrigerator. Do you want me to nuke it in the microwave honey, or are you taking me out to dinner you bum?"
"Uh huh." Really means. "Did you say something? Oh well, whatever it was it must not have been that important."
"Good idea." Really means: "Whatever you say honey. As soon as you leave for work, I'm calling the handyman and charging it to you."
"My, you're looking fit." Really means: "God what a tire this guy's gettin below his chest. Are you sure we're legally married. I just bought the most expensive hat you've ever seen."
"My hubbie doesn't understand me." Really means: "The little creep has figured out more than 50 percent of my technique. Let's go shopping and charge everything to him just to piss him off."
"You wouldn't understand." Really means: "I don't understand, but I'm not going to tell you that. Are you sure we're legally married?"
"I'm getting more exercise lately. Haven't you noticed my trim figure honey?" Really means: "There's a new giant mall that just opened. Give me the gold card or I'll make your life hell."
"Yes, I did it." Really means: "After you left for work I hired a handyman and charged it to you."
"We're going to be late." Really means: "Sure I took 5 hours to get ready, but it's your fault anyway, so drive faster, what's insurance?"
"Did you know that ants only make love twice a year?" Really means: "I've been reading the back of the peanut butter jar again."
"You never did like my cooking. I don't know why I ever married you." Really means: "My mother is coming to stay for a month, and this is the only way I can figure out how to break the news to you."
"Yes, honey, I heard every word you said." Really means: "My, that golf instructor has a cute butt. I wonder how the hat that slut he's with is wearing would look on me. Are you sure we're legally married?"
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means: "I can't hear my neighbor on the phone talking about the new mall, you inconsiderate oaf."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means: "I didn't hear a word you said, but I'm going to pretend to, as long as you keep carpooling."
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means: "Give me the gold card or I'll make your life a living hell."
"You expect too much of me." Really means: "Mother is coming to visit."
"It's a really great movie." Really means: "I've already dragged you to it 14 times in the last 2 years, and I know you hate it, but just be quiet and pay for everything or I'll invite mother back over."
"That's men's work." Really means: "I'm going shopping."
"Will you marry me?" Really means: "I've already picked you as the victim, but you're too stupid to know it. You better have a gold card."
"Go ask your father." Really means: "I know he doesn't know, so you'll just have to come back and ask me all over again. Then you'll be sorry."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means: "Yes, I charged all that stuff, but do you think I'm stupid enough to tell you? Are you sure we're legally married?"
"I was just thinking about you, and got you this tie clasp." Really means: "I found this old thing that used to belong to my uncle, but the bill you'll be getting on your gold card from the jewelry store is for my new diamond bracelet."
"You don't want to learn how to play Bridge." Really means: "You don't want to hear what I say about you and your friends at our Bridge game. Go watch football."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means: "If you don't call the paramedics right now, you don't really love me. In fact, I don't think you ever really loved me. If you did really love me, it would be your finger bleeding, not mine."
"I cook and slave around this house all day while you're off at work having a good time." Really means: "Choose: My mother here for a month or the gold card. Are you sure we're legally married?"
This was sent to me by an IRC friend in response to the "what men really mean [part-1]"....... hehehee, wait until you see [part 2] M's!!!! :)